Questioning One's Orientation - a haiku

Questioning One's Orientation - a haiku. I read yesterday. Eva Mendes owns 'Glitter'. And she likes to swear.

Celebs Without Makeup - a haiku

Celebs Without Makeup - a haiku. Dear Gossip Tabloid. Stop saying 'romp' and 'love rat'. Keep the bad puns though

Hottie Bribery - a haiku

Hottie Bribery - a haiku. Dear Gary Oldman. If you come round to my house, I will bake a pie

c/o American Idol - a haiku

c/o American Idol - a haiku. Dear Kelly Clarkson, You are utterly awesome, No complaints from me

'Tomkat' is Even Worse - a haiku

'Tomkat' is even worse - a haiku. I hate hybrid names. 'Brangelina' and whatnot. It is just lazy.

Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku

Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku. Dearest James Spader, let's get married in Vegas. I'll buy you daisies.

Blog Post #7

If Britney hired me as her publicist, I would be ready with my five step plan.

The first step would be to get myself some business cards made. I would naturally specify Tahoma font, and I’d put some letters for after my name. NRP sounds like a good qualification, and no one will know it stands for ‘Not Really a Publicist’.

Step two would be to google what a publicist does. As far as I can tell, they just have to be out of the office a lot, so in articles it can say “So and so’s publicist was unavailable for comment”. Maybe I’ll splash out and get an answer phone which says “Kate is unavailable for comment”, which means I won’t have to do anything, ever.

Step three would be to redirect my voice so it would come out through my nose. The reasons are two fold – I could smoke while talking, and I’d get that nasal quality that every young lady desires in her vocal inflections.

Step four would be to start chain smoking.

Finally, step five would involve telling Britney to stop being so stupid and to start showering again.

Done and done.

Daughter to Father - a haiku

Daughter to Father - a haiku. 'Hey Dad how are things?' 'I like wearing your old shirts'. You sing it Lindsay!
Context is here

Brazil Booty - a haiku

Brazil Booty - a haiku. K Fed's 'Popozao'. Hot mess or underrated? I know my answer

In 'Dirrty'... - a haiku

In 'Dirrty' - a haiku. I just figured out the words are 'ring the alarm' not 'bring the LR'
Context is here