Buttered Carbon - a haiku

Buttered Carbon - a haiku. The kitchen toaster thinks it is above the law. Charcoaled Molenberg

Other People's Children - a haiku

Other People's Children - a haiku. It should not be real. Kid with a pedo smile. Does it blow your mind?

Tragedies Trilogy - three haikus

Tragedies Part One - a haiku. Haunted fax machine. Janitor killed in the storm. He sends through strange words

Tragedies Part Two - a haiku. I should explain it, but it is a long story, so I won't bother

Tragedies Part Three - a haiku. Fine, I guess I can. The fax machine is broken. Are you happy now?

Situations Vacant - a haiku

Situations Vacant - a haiku. Not a team player, nor am I motivated. Experience: none

I Still Refuse to Accept Reality - a haiku

I Still Refuse to Accept Reality - a haiku. My childhood dream was to become a mermaid with a blue tail

Oral Fixation - a haiku

Oral Fixation - a haiku. Too much pen chewing. I have rendered them useless. Won't even click on.

Feel Good Fashion - a haiku

Feel Good Fashion - a haiku. I hate those bracelets. Those rubber ones for causes. Donate and be done

Disease Ridden Pal

Disease Ridden Pal - a haiku. I want a pigeon. He can be my feathered friend. I will call him Bob

Blah Blah Blah.

Blah Blah Blah. - a haiku. Can I interrupt? I don't mean to cause a scene, but you are boring

Blog Post #6

I'm concerned, you guys. What would happen if there was a law for not cutting off your own hair? This law would of course include shaving, waxing, or using creams of any kind. You may wonder what the point would be, of course. So would I, so lets think of one. Perhaps global warming? No, that doesn't make sense. But hang on, what about global COOLING?

We all saw The Day After Tomorrow. By that, I mean, those of us with a desire for Jake Gyllenhaal (not me), or people who like dumb action movies (that's a little bit me) or people without taste or lives (yeah, that one is me). Anyway, when the ozone fell down, or the ice caps melted, or the reactor blew up...or whatever actually happened in that movie...everything got real cold. Old people died in the snow. DIED. Now just imagine what would have happened if all those people were hairy! They would have been warm and snuggly. Problem solved.

Of course, it does seem like a fairly ridiculous law to enforce, just in case the ice caps melt all of a sudden without warning, and just in case a thin layer of hair on our legs would actually stop us all from freezing to death instantly. But we've got to try something, for the love of God!

Of course, there would be problems. Body odour would increase, and spraying ourselves with Rexona would mean the hole in the ozone would get even bigger, getting us all stuck in a vicious cycle. Also, after a few generations of hairy people, wouldn't the hair start to grow thicker and make us look more like apes and chimpanzees? Maybe not. If you haven't worked it out already, I'm not really Joe Science.

So to sum up, it is probably not a very good idea for laws to be introduced about body hair. Don't sign any petitions, you guys, until you have considered the consequences.

Blog out.

Damn You America - a haiku

Damn You America - a haiku. Sometimes I get sad they never made a sequel to the great 'Showgirls'

Brazil Booty - a haiku

Brazil Booty - a haiku. K Fed's 'Popozao'. Hot mess or underrated? I know my answer

Performance Art - a haiku

Performance Art - a haiku. At the bus station a girl wore only a towel with a shower cap

Buyer's Remorse - a haiku

Buyer's Remorse - a haiku. On the plane to Dad's Emma bought a cold Coke can. Imminent rue-age.

These Men are Cowards - a haiku

These Men are Cowards - a haiku. They take the money, otherwise they kill the girl. Cut off your johnson

Too Uncool - a haiku

Too Uncool - a haiku. Hello there hot stuff, can you bring it over here? Get all up in it

Morals, Schmorals - a haiku

Morals, Schmorals - a haiku. Can't I just sit here? No more working for my pay. Pondering bank raid

Guaranteed! - a haiku

Guaranteed! - a haiku. High-pitched ringing sound, it's very easy to fix. PC bonfire

Blog Post #5

WHY THE BLOGOTHON DIDN'T HAPPEN

• It was my Mum's birthday, yay for my Mum! Ok, so she lives in Australia and so it wasn't like I spent all weekend making her cups of tea, but still.
  
• Laura had a gaming party. I had some garlic peas and sucked at a game of scrabble.
  
• I developed a cold on Sunday.
  
• Tony Hawk Underground 2 (this is the real excuse, I tried to put some respectable ones first).

Hopefully no one was actually looking forward to it. It will happen, I'm not sure when though. To make it better, here is a picture of Gary Oldman:



Yes, I did crop out his impossibly gorgeous girlfriend, what of it?

Low Price of $349.95 - a haiku

Low Price of $349.95 - a haiku. Fashionable boots. They're making you walk funny. Chic but bow-legged

Grasshopper My Ass - a haiku

Grasshopper My Ass - a haiku. I ran out of work, so I made origami of low quality