Destruction - a haiku

Destruction - a haiku. I can't help but think, 'who's gonna clean that mess up?', when I watch Fight Club

Mistletoe and Holly - a haiku

It's not mid-November anymore, it was when I wrote this, lets just all pretend!

Mistletoe and Holly - a haiku. It's Mid-November. My Christmas music is on. Tinsel in my hair.

Soy Sauce Français - a haiku

Soy Sauce Francais - a haiku. I am learning French. Imagine this time next year. Bilingual haikus!

Technical Issues

Oh Internet, why hast thou forsaken me?

Pictures to return soon, I hope.

Edit: Now that pictures have returned, what is the e-tiquette (see what I did there?). Do I delete the post? Bung this edit on the end? Hmm.

Spring Clean - a haiku

True story, folks.

Spring Clean - a haiku. What is this item? It is ugly and broken. Why do I own it?

Rough Cuisine - a haiku

The first picture-less haiku, a special treat to show you how this website got its name, how it was monikered-up-right-nice.


ROUGH CUISINE
a haiku
Slimy pasta mess
Swimming in a pool of glop
Soy sauce carnival

Blog Post #9

Ooh la la, right guys?

We have gone from a poorly-coded-webpage to a still-poorly-coded-but-now-it-has-cool-stuff-webpage.

Cool stuff like comments (which you can leave even if you don't have a blogger account), email-this-page option (delicious promotion) and tags (so you can just look at the haikus involving celebrities if you want).

Progress is swift, try to keep up.

...Maybe not swift, as it has been a month since I updated the site. Perhaps just swift-like, swift-y, swift-onic.

I am still working on some things, but for now, you will find all of the old haikus and blogs in this one handy location.

Bad Parent - a haiku

Bad Parent - a haiku. SSC neglect. I should never have children. Forgetting ain't cool

One Hand Clapping - a haiku

One Hand Clapping - a haiku. Website hiatus. Tree falling in the forest. You know what I mean?

Questioning One's Orientation - a haiku

Questioning One's Orientation - a haiku. I read yesterday. Eva Mendes owns 'Glitter'. And she likes to swear.

Watching 'Unfaithful' - a haiku

Watching 'Unfaithful' - a haiku. This movie's moral. Probably "don't go cheating". Not "French guys are hot".

Relaxin' - a haiku

Relaxin' - a haiku. Fantasy du jour. It involves a comfy couch. Glass of ginger beer.

Stinkymart - a haiku

Stinkymart - a haiku. To the manager. Your store smells really yucky. I'm going to leave.

Celebs Without Makeup - a haiku

Celebs Without Makeup - a haiku. Dear Gossip Tabloid. Stop saying 'romp' and 'love rat'. Keep the bad puns though

Hottie Bribery - a haiku

Hottie Bribery - a haiku. Dear Gary Oldman. If you come round to my house, I will bake a pie

c/o American Idol - a haiku

c/o American Idol - a haiku. Dear Kelly Clarkson, You are utterly awesome, No complaints from me

I HEART MYSPACE - a haiku

I HEART MYSPACE - a haiku. To the teenage girls: If I am being honest, your fashion scares me

Losing It - a haiku

Losing It - a haiku. Bertrand has a hat, plus a statue on his back. Well dressed grizzly bear

What's For Dinner? - a haiku

What's for Dinner - a haiku. I vote we change it, to the solitary 'cous'. Get Webster on it

Listen Up, CSI Folk - a haiku

Listen Up, CSI Folk - a haiku. When balloons get old, they shrivel when you touch them. Hold your fingerprints.

"Ew, Whose is That?" - a haiku

Ew, Whose is That? - a haiku. My old squishy pear, sitting in the fridge alone, led to mockery

No, Seriously - a haiku

No, Seriously - a haiku. Sam said this morning, "our wall is growing mushrooms". Time to fix the leak

All Before 9 a.m. - a haiku

All Before 9 a.m. - a haiku. The lift is broken. I work on the seventh floor. I must just go home.

Truly Outrageous - a haiku

Truly Outrageous - a haiku. My fashion icon, is Roxy from The Misfits. (Their songs are better)

Feeling Floaty - a haiku

Feeling Floaty - a haiku. I don't want to work. I want to dance in the rain. Bin my business clothes.

Necrophilia Included - a haiku

Necrophilia Included - a haiku. Emily and I made a list of fetishes to scare the beige folk

Region 4 Please - a haiku

Region 4 Please - a haiku. Life will be complete, when 'Blossom' is at Borders. DVD box set

'Tomkat' is Even Worse - a haiku

'Tomkat' is even worse - a haiku. I hate hybrid names. 'Brangelina' and whatnot. It is just lazy.

Sharkly Tuned Vision - a haiku

Sharkly Tuned Vision - a haiku. My widely set eyes earned me the charming nickname 'Hammerhead Katie'

Doubt It's Mindy - a haiku

Doubt It's Mindy - a haiku. Her nickname is 'Min', keen to know what it's short for. Minotaur or Minge?

Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku

Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku. Dearest James Spader, let's get married in Vegas. I'll buy you daisies.

Bed-Head - a haiku

Bed-Head - a haiku. It wants to go left. I will shrug and say OK. I'm done arguing.

Too Old for This - a haiku

Too Old for This - a haiku. Album on repeat. iTunes play count is shameful. Rhymes with 'Sandy Schmoor'

Zig-A-Zig-Ah - a haiku

Zig-a-Zig-Ah - a haiku. Nineties pop music. So bad yet so very good. Friendship never ends.

Ill-Fitting - a haiku

Ill-Fitting - a haiku. People say 'cowl neck'. I like 'my neck vomited'. Far more visual

Swish Swish - a haiku

Swish Swish - a haiku. I miss my raincoat. Big white dots on shiny black. Tween fashionista.

Nice to Meet You? - a haiku

Nice to Meet You - a haiku. Loosen up your grip. Why are you punishing me? Your hand is a vice

Walking Home from Work - a haiku

Walking Home from Work - a haiku. It fills me with fear, when a cool breeze hits my thigh. Where has my skirt gone?

Addictive Personality - a haiku

Addictive Personality - a haiku. Thinking of haikus, once I start I cannot stop. Added MSG?

Internet Favourites - a haiku

Internet Favourites - a haiku. Today's horoscopes spoke of wealth, power and love. I'd rather sleep in

Bah Dum Bah Ching! - a haiku

Bah Dum Bah Ching - a haiku. Retired teacher once told me puns weren't funny. Complete lack of class.

IAWTC - a haiku

IAWTC - a haiku. Hello internet. Sometimes you make me depressed. 'Moar' is not a word.

Suspicious Puddles - a haiku

Suspicious Puddles - a haiku. Month old cucumber covered in purple and white threw up on the floor

Blog Post #8

Dammit, I should have saved my blog entry for the fiftieth haiku.

Or would that have been too much excitement for you to handle in just one day?

Perhaps I did y'all a favour.

Fifty! - a haiku

Fifty! - a haiku. Everything is fine. No flagrant system errors. Nothing is ruined.

Blog Post #7

If Britney hired me as her publicist, I would be ready with my five step plan.

The first step would be to get myself some business cards made. I would naturally specify Tahoma font, and I’d put some letters for after my name. NRP sounds like a good qualification, and no one will know it stands for ‘Not Really a Publicist’.

Step two would be to google what a publicist does. As far as I can tell, they just have to be out of the office a lot, so in articles it can say “So and so’s publicist was unavailable for comment”. Maybe I’ll splash out and get an answer phone which says “Kate is unavailable for comment”, which means I won’t have to do anything, ever.

Step three would be to redirect my voice so it would come out through my nose. The reasons are two fold – I could smoke while talking, and I’d get that nasal quality that every young lady desires in her vocal inflections.

Step four would be to start chain smoking.

Finally, step five would involve telling Britney to stop being so stupid and to start showering again.

Done and done.

Intimidation - a haiku

Intimidation - a haiku. Madonna scares me. If I saw her on the street I would run away.

Frosty Fraud - a haiku

Frosty Fraud - a haiku. I'm kidding myself. It really isn't summer. I need a jacket

Very Very Tropical - a haiku

Very Very Tropical - a haiku. That banana song, says 'don't put them in the fridge'. Seems reasonable

Conversationalist Breakfast - a haiku

Conversationalist Breakfast - a haiku. Hello there rolled oats. I might cook you with some milk. Then you'd be porridge.

Batten Down the Hatches - a haiku

Batten Down the Hatches - a haiku. It is getting cold. Time to dig out the thick socks and those ugly gloves

Daughter to Father - a haiku

Daughter to Father - a haiku. 'Hey Dad how are things?' 'I like wearing your old shirts'. You sing it Lindsay!
Context is here

Gender Boundaries - a haiku

Gender Boundaries - a haiku. In 'Pretty in Pink' James Spader has bouffant hair and a woman's name

If Round is Funny - a haiku

If Round is Funny - a haiku. I derive pleasure from transforming paperclips into funny shapes

Leaning Flower - a haiku

Leaning Flower - a haiku. My little pot plant is growing at an angle. It's being obtuse.