Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Destruction - a haiku

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Destruction - a haiku. I can't help but think, 'who's gonna clean that mess up?', when I watch Fight Club

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Mistletoe and Holly - a haiku

It's not mid-November anymore, it was when I wrote this, lets just all pretend!

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Mistletoe and Holly - a haiku. It's Mid-November. My Christmas music is on. Tinsel in my hair.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Soy Sauce Fran├žais - a haiku

Soy Sauce Francais - a haiku. I am learning French. Imagine this time next year. Bilingual haikus!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Technical Issues

Oh Internet, why hast thou forsaken me?

Pictures to return soon, I hope.

Edit: Now that pictures have returned, what is the e-tiquette (see what I did there?). Do I delete the post? Bung this edit on the end? Hmm.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Spring Clean - a haiku

True story, folks.

Spring Clean - a haiku. What is this item? It is ugly and broken. Why do I own it?

Rough Cuisine - a haiku

The first picture-less haiku, a special treat to show you how this website got its name, how it was monikered-up-right-nice.


ROUGH CUISINE
a haiku

Slimy pasta mess
Swimming in a pool of glop
Soy sauce carnival



Sunday, October 28, 2007

Blog Post #9

Ooh la la, right guys?

We have gone from a poorly-coded-webpage to a still-poorly-coded-but-now-it-has-cool-stuff-webpage.

Cool stuff like comments (which you can leave even if you don't have a blogger account), email-this-page option (delicious promotion) and tags (so you can just look at the haikus involving celebrities if you want).

Progress is swift, try to keep up.

...Maybe not swift, as it has been a month since I updated the site. Perhaps just swift-like, swift-y, swift-onic.

I am still working on some things, but for now, you will find all of the old haikus and blogs in this one handy location.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Bad Parent - a haiku


Bad Parent - a haiku. SSC neglect. I should never have children. Forgetting ain't cool

Sunday, September 9, 2007

One Hand Clapping - a haiku


One Hand Clapping - a haiku. Website hiatus. Tree falling in the forest. You know what I mean?

Monday, September 3, 2007

Questioning One's Orientation - a haiku


Questioning One's Orientation - a haiku. I read yesterday. Eva Mendes owns 'Glitter'. And she likes to swear.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Watching 'Unfaithful' - a haiku


Watching 'Unfaithful' - a haiku. This movie's moral. Probably "don't go cheating". Not "French guys are hot".

Monday, August 27, 2007

Relaxin' - a haiku


Relaxin' - a haiku. Fantasy du jour. It involves a comfy couch. Glass of ginger beer.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Stinkymart - a haiku


Stinkymart - a haiku. To the manager. Your store smells really yucky. I'm going to leave.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Celebs Without Makeup - a haiku


Celebs Without Makeup - a haiku. Dear Gossip Tabloid. Stop saying 'romp' and 'love rat'. Keep the bad puns though

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Hottie Bribery - a haiku


Hottie Bribery - a haiku. Dear Gary Oldman. If you come round to my house, I will bake a pie

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

c/o American Idol - a haiku


c/o American Idol - a haiku. Dear Kelly Clarkson, You are utterly awesome, No complaints from me

Monday, August 20, 2007

I HEART MYSPACE - a haiku


I HEART MYSPACE - a haiku. To the teenage girls: If I am being honest, your fashion scares me

Friday, August 17, 2007

Losing It - a haiku


Losing It - a haiku. Bertrand has a hat, plus a statue on his back. Well dressed grizzly bear

Thursday, August 16, 2007

What's For Dinner? - a haiku


What's for Dinner - a haiku. I vote we change it, to the solitary 'cous'. Get Webster on it

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Listen Up, CSI Folk - a haiku


Listen Up, CSI Folk - a haiku. When balloons get old, they shrivel when you touch them. Hold your fingerprints.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

"Ew, Whose is That?" - a haiku


Ew, Whose is That? - a haiku. My old squishy pear, sitting in the fridge alone, led to mockery

Monday, August 13, 2007

No, Seriously - a haiku


No, Seriously - a haiku. Sam said this morning, "our wall is growing mushrooms". Time to fix the leak

Friday, August 10, 2007

All Before 9 a.m. - a haiku


All Before 9 a.m. - a haiku. The lift is broken. I work on the seventh floor. I must just go home.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Truly Outrageous - a haiku


Truly Outrageous - a haiku. My fashion icon, is Roxy from The Misfits. (Their songs are better)

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Feeling Floaty - a haiku


Feeling Floaty - a haiku. I don't want to work. I want to dance in the rain. Bin my business clothes.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Necrophilia Included - a haiku


Necrophilia Included - a haiku. Emily and I made a list of fetishes to scare the beige folk

Friday, August 3, 2007

Region 4 Please - a haiku


Region 4 Please - a haiku. Life will be complete, when 'Blossom' is at Borders. DVD box set

Thursday, August 2, 2007

'Tomkat' is Even Worse - a haiku


'Tomkat' is even worse - a haiku. I hate hybrid names. 'Brangelina' and whatnot. It is just lazy.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Sharkly Tuned Vision - a haiku


Sharkly Tuned Vision - a haiku. My widely set eyes earned me the charming nickname 'Hammerhead Katie'

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Doubt It's Mindy - a haiku


Doubt It's Mindy - a haiku. Her nickname is 'Min', keen to know what it's short for. Minotaur or Minge?

Monday, July 30, 2007

Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku


Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku. Dearest James Spader, let's get married in Vegas. I'll buy you daisies.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Bed-Head - a haiku


Bed-Head - a haiku. It wants to go left. I will shrug and say OK. I'm done arguing.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Too Old for This - a haiku


Too Old for This - a haiku. Album on repeat. iTunes play count is shameful. Rhymes with 'Sandy Schmoor'

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Zig-A-Zig-Ah - a haiku


Zig-a-Zig-Ah - a haiku. Nineties pop music. So bad yet so very good. Friendship never ends.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Ill-Fitting - a haiku


Ill-Fitting - a haiku. People say 'cowl neck'. I like 'my neck vomited'. Far more visual

Monday, July 23, 2007

Swish Swish - a haiku


Swish Swish - a haiku. I miss my raincoat. Big white dots on shiny black. Tween fashionista.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Nice to Meet You? - a haiku


Nice to Meet You - a haiku. Loosen up your grip. Why are you punishing me? Your hand is a vice

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Walking Home from Work - a haiku


Walking Home from Work - a haiku. It fills me with fear, when a cool breeze hits my thigh. Where has my skirt gone?

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Addictive Personality - a haiku


Addictive Personality - a haiku. Thinking of haikus, once I start I cannot stop. Added MSG?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Internet Favourites - a haiku


Internet Favourites - a haiku. Today's horoscopes spoke of wealth, power and love. I'd rather sleep in

Monday, July 16, 2007

Bah Dum Bah Ching! - a haiku


Bah Dum Bah Ching - a haiku. Retired teacher once told me puns weren't funny. Complete lack of class.

Friday, July 13, 2007

IAWTC - a haiku


IAWTC - a haiku. Hello internet. Sometimes you make me depressed. 'Moar' is not a word.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Suspicious Puddles - a haiku


Suspicious Puddles - a haiku. Month old cucumber covered in purple and white threw up on the floor

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Blog Post #8

Dammit, I should have saved my blog entry for the fiftieth haiku.

Or would that have been too much excitement for you to handle in just one day?

Perhaps I did y'all a favour.

Fifty! - a haiku


Fifty! - a haiku. Everything is fine. No flagrant system errors. Nothing is ruined.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Blog Post #7

If Britney hired me as her publicist, I would be ready with my five step plan.

The first step would be to get myself some business cards made. I would naturally specify Tahoma font, and I’d put some letters for after my name. NRP sounds like a good qualification, and no one will know it stands for ‘Not Really a Publicist’.

Step two would be to google what a publicist does. As far as I can tell, they just have to be out of the office a lot, so in articles it can say “So and so’s publicist was unavailable for comment”. Maybe I’ll splash out and get an answer phone which says “Kate is unavailable for comment”, which means I won’t have to do anything, ever.

Step three would be to redirect my voice so it would come out through my nose. The reasons are two fold – I could smoke while talking, and I’d get that nasal quality that every young lady desires in her vocal inflections.

Step four would be to start chain smoking.

Finally, step five would involve telling Britney to stop being so stupid and to start showering again.

Done and done.

Intimidation - a haiku


Intimidation - a haiku. Madonna scares me. If I saw her on the street I would run away.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Frosty Fraud - a haiku


Frosty Fraud - a haiku. I'm kidding myself. It really isn't summer. I need a jacket

Very Very Tropical - a haiku


Very Very Tropical - a haiku. That banana song, says 'don't put them in the fridge'. Seems reasonable

Conversationalist Breakfast - a haiku


Conversationalist Breakfast - a haiku. Hello there rolled oats. I might cook you with some milk. Then you'd be porridge.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Batten Down the Hatches - a haiku


Batten Down the Hatches - a haiku. It is getting cold. Time to dig out the thick socks and those ugly gloves

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Daughter to Father - a haiku


Daughter to Father - a haiku. 'Hey Dad how are things?' 'I like wearing your old shirts'. You sing it Lindsay!
Context is here

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Gender Boundaries - a haiku


Gender Boundaries - a haiku. In 'Pretty in Pink' James Spader has bouffant hair and a woman's name

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

If Round is Funny - a haiku


If Round is Funny - a haiku. I derive pleasure from transforming paperclips into funny shapes

Monday, July 2, 2007

Leaning Flower - a haiku


Leaning Flower - a haiku. My little pot plant is growing at an angle. It's being obtuse.