Doubt It's Mindy - a haiku

Doubt It's Mindy - a haiku. Her nickname is 'Min', keen to know what it's short for. Minotaur or Minge?

Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku

Blooming Great Proposal - a haiku. Dearest James Spader, let's get married in Vegas. I'll buy you daisies.

Bed-Head - a haiku

Bed-Head - a haiku. It wants to go left. I will shrug and say OK. I'm done arguing.

Too Old for This - a haiku

Too Old for This - a haiku. Album on repeat. iTunes play count is shameful. Rhymes with 'Sandy Schmoor'

Zig-A-Zig-Ah - a haiku

Zig-a-Zig-Ah - a haiku. Nineties pop music. So bad yet so very good. Friendship never ends.

Ill-Fitting - a haiku

Ill-Fitting - a haiku. People say 'cowl neck'. I like 'my neck vomited'. Far more visual

Swish Swish - a haiku

Swish Swish - a haiku. I miss my raincoat. Big white dots on shiny black. Tween fashionista.

Nice to Meet You? - a haiku

Nice to Meet You - a haiku. Loosen up your grip. Why are you punishing me? Your hand is a vice

Walking Home from Work - a haiku

Walking Home from Work - a haiku. It fills me with fear, when a cool breeze hits my thigh. Where has my skirt gone?

Addictive Personality - a haiku

Addictive Personality - a haiku. Thinking of haikus, once I start I cannot stop. Added MSG?

Internet Favourites - a haiku

Internet Favourites - a haiku. Today's horoscopes spoke of wealth, power and love. I'd rather sleep in

Bah Dum Bah Ching! - a haiku

Bah Dum Bah Ching - a haiku. Retired teacher once told me puns weren't funny. Complete lack of class.

IAWTC - a haiku

IAWTC - a haiku. Hello internet. Sometimes you make me depressed. 'Moar' is not a word.

Suspicious Puddles - a haiku

Suspicious Puddles - a haiku. Month old cucumber covered in purple and white threw up on the floor

Blog Post #8

Dammit, I should have saved my blog entry for the fiftieth haiku.

Or would that have been too much excitement for you to handle in just one day?

Perhaps I did y'all a favour.

Fifty! - a haiku

Fifty! - a haiku. Everything is fine. No flagrant system errors. Nothing is ruined.

Blog Post #7

If Britney hired me as her publicist, I would be ready with my five step plan.

The first step would be to get myself some business cards made. I would naturally specify Tahoma font, and I’d put some letters for after my name. NRP sounds like a good qualification, and no one will know it stands for ‘Not Really a Publicist’.

Step two would be to google what a publicist does. As far as I can tell, they just have to be out of the office a lot, so in articles it can say “So and so’s publicist was unavailable for comment”. Maybe I’ll splash out and get an answer phone which says “Kate is unavailable for comment”, which means I won’t have to do anything, ever.

Step three would be to redirect my voice so it would come out through my nose. The reasons are two fold – I could smoke while talking, and I’d get that nasal quality that every young lady desires in her vocal inflections.

Step four would be to start chain smoking.

Finally, step five would involve telling Britney to stop being so stupid and to start showering again.

Done and done.

Intimidation - a haiku

Intimidation - a haiku. Madonna scares me. If I saw her on the street I would run away.

Frosty Fraud - a haiku

Frosty Fraud - a haiku. I'm kidding myself. It really isn't summer. I need a jacket

Very Very Tropical - a haiku

Very Very Tropical - a haiku. That banana song, says 'don't put them in the fridge'. Seems reasonable

Conversationalist Breakfast - a haiku

Conversationalist Breakfast - a haiku. Hello there rolled oats. I might cook you with some milk. Then you'd be porridge.

Batten Down the Hatches - a haiku

Batten Down the Hatches - a haiku. It is getting cold. Time to dig out the thick socks and those ugly gloves

Daughter to Father - a haiku

Daughter to Father - a haiku. 'Hey Dad how are things?' 'I like wearing your old shirts'. You sing it Lindsay!
Context is here

Gender Boundaries - a haiku

Gender Boundaries - a haiku. In 'Pretty in Pink' James Spader has bouffant hair and a woman's name

If Round is Funny - a haiku

If Round is Funny - a haiku. I derive pleasure from transforming paperclips into funny shapes

Leaning Flower - a haiku

Leaning Flower - a haiku. My little pot plant is growing at an angle. It's being obtuse.